News Summary of Collaboration and Shared Services from 18th December 2014

There are some really bad Christmas jokes coming up in this newsletter that I know you will use over the following weeks at works parties, or with your family and friends. It’s SSA’s festive reward for your hard work.

Over 2000 people receive this email each week as we work to build the profession of collaborative working. During 2015 it brought you 346 news items and 206 job adverts.

So please share the jokes below and future emails with colleagues to help them understand the complexity and range of the collaborative work you are involved in.

This week, if you are willing to give a little, we will give you back some really bad Christmas quips as a reward. First, the invitation from the LGA to give a little…

Each year the Local Government Association produces a highly popular interactive map of shared services providing information on council shared services examples across England. http://www.local.gov.uk/web/guest/productivity/-journal_content/56/10180/3511353/ARTICLE

Last year the map was very well received with high levels of media coverage across both local government and the wider public sector. Building on this success, the LGA is refreshing the map for 2015 to continue showing how local government is leading the public sector in efficiency and innovation through sharing services. To reflect this it is important for those involved in shared services to provide the LGA with clear figures showing the true scale of shared services and demonstrating the efficiency savings that councils have made to date.

Please do take advantage of this chance to raise the profile of your shared service by filling in the short survey at http://survey.euro.confirmit.com/wix/p1840386794.aspx

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Now the really bad jokes (adapted from award winning “Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book” available online and in local book shops)….

 

1.       Why doesn’t Santa deliver to coal mines? Because it’s beneath him!

2.       A little boy sitting on Santa’s knee asks “Santa, is it true that you invented Typex? You can correct me if I am wrong!”

3.       Rudolph is just back from two weeks of sitting on a hard book. It was his annual holiday.

4.       This year the elves in the workhouse have inflatable decorations. They’ve got so many they’re forever blowing baubles.

5.       Santa to one of his elves: Will you stop claiming you are a medieval musical instrument?
Elf: Are you calling me a lyre?

6.       Did you hear about the Pixie offered a place at the College of Leapfrog? He jumped at the chance!

7.       Rudolph was dreaming that someone said “Ready! Steady! Go!” then he woke up with a start!

8.       A gnome resigned from the toy factory saying he was going to become a chimney sweep. Santa said, “Soot yourself!”

9.       Santa said to the Doctor, “I think the whole world is ganging up on me!” The Doctor opened the door and shouted, “Okay lads, he’s in here…”

10.   The teacher asked one of the children in the Nativity play what they were dressed as. She said: I’m a Herald Angel. The teacher replied, “Hark at you!”

11.   Little girl to Santa: Please can I have a woolly jumper that all my family can get into at once? Santa: “Why is that?” Little girl: “Because we’re a close knit family”.

12.   Rudolph always says it’s a marathon, not a sprint. That’s why he lost his job as Usain Bolt’s trainer.

13.   Where do pigs do their Christmas shopping? Hamley’s!

14.   Santa can’t remember his homing pigeon’s name. But he’s sure it will come back to him.

15.    A man walked up to Santa’s sleigh and said, “Can you gift me a lift?” Santa said, “Sure! You look great, the world is your oyster. Go for it!”.

16.    Santa looked down from his sleigh to see a lorry load of tortoises crash into a train load of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

17.   Santa said to the Doctor, “The older I get the more I spread gossip!” The Doctor said, “You’ve got rheumatism!”

18.   Santa met the person who invented crosswords. He can’t remember their name. It was P something, T something, something, something…”

19.   Just as the sleigh was taking off the reindeers fell down and scraped their knees. They were  just grazing!

20.   Teacher talking to the children at the Nativity play: Does anyone remember being present at the birth of a baby? Little girl: Yes. It was dark and warm, then it went really bright and someone smacked me!

All the team: Manny, Terry, Jo, Lucie and I wish you a happy Christmas! See you in 2015.

 

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